Engaged!

My sweet man tricked me into taking a hike, and surprised me with a ring...we are engaged! Can't wait to marry him. We are going to go to the courthouse, then take a few days at the beach, then throw an open house reception sometime after the first of the year. So happy!

Health Scare

My sweet man made a trip to my parents' house to help them get the yard in order for my sister's wedding this weekend. And he winds up in the ER. X-ray and doc both say that his elbow has a very strained ligament, but no need for major intervention - just some ice, anti-inflamitories and stretching. He will definitely be okay in a few weeks. Good thing his insurance kicked in on the first of this month!

It is such a scary thing to contemplate one of us getting severely hurt. We simply do not have the funds to pay for things like surgery costs. When I had my MRI for kidney stones 2 years ago, it took me 18 months to pay it off, and I was only able to finish paying it off because it was my turn to claim my daughter as a dependent on my taxes and I got a large return. Otherwise, I would still be paying, I have no doubt.

I guess that is a fib - I do have some $$ saved up for a vacation I am planning. And I would gladly spend the dough on our health needs if we needed to. But, damn, I need a vacation! And a vacation with my family that is focused on nothing but fun - not a travel to someone's wedding, or tie some other task into the vacation, but a real, relaxation vacation :)

Blue and Yellow

More Mesh! This one is Iridescent white, royal blue and yellow; accented with a white and blue scroll ribbon and lemons. I am making these without thought to what to do with them when I am done - so this one has found its way to my living room wall, even though it doesn't match the décor at all :)

Wedding

My step-sister is getting married in just a few short weeks. This is going to be her first wedding --- I know a lot of people don't have to clarify that, but in my family, you do! My mom is on her 3rd marriage, and so is her husband. My dad was married 4 times (and died at 49 years old, so he may not have been finished yet! hahah). I was divorced by the age of 22. My brother married his second wife by the age of 30 (although, he gets special exemption because his first wife passed away suddenly after less than a year of marriage).

This all just makes me think - I am sure that I have found the love of my life. He has been married once before and was devastated when it ended. It has been 8 years since my divorce was final and it took me most of that time to heal from it. But even though I am sure (and I am sure that he is sure), putting trust in another person like that is scary. Especially when you have seen it fall apart so many times for so many people. Good people who make bad choices.

The fear isn't enough to make me want to run away though. I know that I am not one to live with someone for many years without the ultimate goal being marriage. Not for the traditional fundamentalist religious reasons, because that is simply not how I think - but for spiritual reasons with a broader message.

Marriage is about making a bond and a commitment publicly declared. I really think that humans are made to desire and flourish in an environment where you can trust someone and share your thoughts and feelings and feel truly intimate. The self-affirming confidence that you get from knowing that you are loved, no matter what, allows you to pursue other interests (work, family, community) with passion. That is what makes societies great and builds civilizations.

Work Self Reflection

I sat through what was supposed to be a coaching session with an employee, but wound up being a close look at myself and my leadership style. This particular employee is one of my favorites - she works hard, tries her best to get it right and is all around awesome. And she reminds me of me - bossy, but means well; super nice, even when it costs her to be so. So when I am trying to tell her how to move up and improve herself (and my manager is there contributing too), I find myself talking about my own growth opportunities.

I tell people what to do, rather than ask them - I am a boss not a leader.
I run my mouth too much and don't give myself the best reputation that I could.
I am quick to react and jump to conclusions - which is great in a crisis but not so good when handling employees.

Which makes me rethink myself. I have been in my position for two years, and haven't had a manager for about half of that. I have been the head honcho and ran that place and held it together - but have I actually made any progress toward being an awesome manager? The kind of person who is not only business savvy, but that people want to follow. Have I created a workplace that people in other locations fight to be transferred in to? Are my people who are ready to be promoted fought over by other managers?

The answer is no - I haven't become any more than I was two years ago. But that is too harsh, because I have grown a lot and have learned so much. The way I manage now is much different then I did then - but is it enough? Have I grown enough to move onto the next level? I don't know, and the not knowing makes me wonder even more.

Meshing it Up!

My new obsession - deco mesh! It is this plastic mesh stuff that comes on rolls in various lengths. You can buy it in craft stores, but I think it is pretty expensive at full price - $12 or so for a 21" x 10 yd  roll. I have found some fabu websites that have the same length rolls for less than $5. Even with the shipping costs, it is still much more cost efficient through online stores. And you can order a larger variety of different colors.

I had never seen this product before, then I was killing some time in a Hobby Lobby store - waiting for my mom to get out of work so we could go to lunch together. I ran across this stuff - it is springy and bouncy and comes in fun colors. I couldn't imagine what people could possibly use it for. Mom is very crafty, so I described this stuff to her over lunch and she rolled her eyes - duh, it is deco mesh and people make wreaths and stuff out of it! I then fell back to my best buddy - Pinterest. That doesn't look hard, I can do that. So I ordered some on the internet and created the fall-colored wreath in the first picture (18" wreath frame and 21" deco mesh). It took me about 40 minutes and used under $20 worth of materials. And it is HUGE! It looks so impressive on my front door. It makes me feel like I am crafty and fabulous!

I constructed this pink and silver/white one for my daughter's room. It is on a smaller wreath frame  (12")  and uses the 10" deco mesh. I can's wait to do more - I am a mesh addict!

New Beginning

Again, I start a new blog. It has been maybe 5 years since I have expressed myself this way. Maybe that is just because my life has followed a simple pattern - work, home, try to keep the house clean and my daughter fed, pay the bills. That changed in May of 2012 when I met someone fabulous that awakened my emotional self again and has breathed some much needed life into my routine. With his help, I have been reinvigorated and have new drive to be an amazing mom and partner and person.

That being said, I again need new outlets for my mind - it had been in a holding pattern for so long that no outlet was needed. In the last year I have read more books than in the last 5 years, I have created crafty things, made vacation plans - I have lived my life the way I really want to. And I need to track that progress so that I don't become complacent and jaded about my life. I want to be able to appreciate all that the people in my life give me and what I give me!