How to Listen

Discussion without debate. Listening without empathizing.
It is that simple. When I talk, I am not looking for feedback--unless I ask for it!


I hear so many conversations where people are responding to the speaker by telling a story that dovetails, or by relaying a similar experience. We think that is conveying our intent to let the speaker know that we heard them and that we care about their experience.


But, to the speaker--or maybe just to me, it sounds like you weren't really listening. You were waiting for your chance to be heard. You were telling a story of how you had the same experience, and that diminishes mine. I don't feel comforted; I feel challenged. I feel like my story is not worth listening to, because clearly, you have a better one. If I hurt, you have hurt more.

Holiday Season

The holiday season is upon me. And with it, lots of requests. Requests to donate time, money, food, toys, etc., for those who are less fortunate than me. This year though, I am stuck between not having enough for my own family and knowing that we have more than others. With my husband not working, my own household is stretched very thin. So, I feel guilty. I am not even purchasing gifts for my own child this year, but I still feel guilty for not giving presents for foster children. I can't keep my own fridge full of food, and I feel guilty for not donating a turkey to a family who needs it.