How to Listen

Discussion without debate. Listening without empathizing.
It is that simple. When I talk, I am not looking for feedback--unless I ask for it!


I hear so many conversations where people are responding to the speaker by telling a story that dovetails, or by relaying a similar experience. We think that is conveying our intent to let the speaker know that we heard them and that we care about their experience.


But, to the speaker--or maybe just to me, it sounds like you weren't really listening. You were waiting for your chance to be heard. You were telling a story of how you had the same experience, and that diminishes mine. I don't feel comforted; I feel challenged. I feel like my story is not worth listening to, because clearly, you have a better one. If I hurt, you have hurt more.

Holiday Season

The holiday season is upon me. And with it, lots of requests. Requests to donate time, money, food, toys, etc., for those who are less fortunate than me. This year though, I am stuck between not having enough for my own family and knowing that we have more than others. With my husband not working, my own household is stretched very thin. So, I feel guilty. I am not even purchasing gifts for my own child this year, but I still feel guilty for not giving presents for foster children. I can't keep my own fridge full of food, and I feel guilty for not donating a turkey to a family who needs it.

Leadership

So, it has been a hiatus--the facts of the hiatus are mostly that the creativity was sucked out of me by my hubby being unemployed since April. He is still in that state, but I've come out of my depression about it and have started to be me again. He is not his job (or lack there of) and I am not mine and we are working through it all.


Had a wonderful workshop at church today--where we asked of ourselves what we expected from our minister, and other things. But the question I left with was, what can I do to help my new minister?


I left thinking about leadership and what it is to come into a new place as a leader. To be in a leadership role without knowing the ins and outs of the organization around you. In a new job, I have found myself in this place. The roles of minister or manager are different, but leadership in general can leap across many titles.




When I think of a good leader, I think of someone that helps you to become a better self, a more complete person in your role (human being, employee, whatever); someone who orchestrates and directs and keeps things on the track. A leader will help the group identify goals and how they want to reach them. The leader identifies the skills of members of the group and moves them into positions so that those skills are maximized.




In order for a leader to be successful, they need to be observant, listen and mediate. They need to assert an opinion when the group needs direction, but not create of culture of blind following. They need to be the interpreter. I have found that the leader's job is greatly assisted by people who volunteer to articulate their skills and volunteer the use of those skills without coaxing.


With that being said, what skills do I have to offer to my community or to my fellowship? I am musical, and love to be a part of choirs and such. But I am badly out of practice and my ear and range are very rusty. I have a nice work schedule that leaves me with evenings and weekends free--so I can show up and help at events. I used to be an event planner and have MC'd weddings--so I can both keep things on a timeline and dress a table fabulously. I'm not afraid of public speaking and spent many years in sales--so I can relate to many people and keep a conversation going. I am trained as an accountant and have touched lots of other people's money and have never taken a dime. How are those things useful to the congregation? I don't know yet.

Breakfast with my Girl

I had a wonderful Sunday brunch with my girl. She sat up tall at the table, ordered politely, looked me in the eyes while we talked and was just super cute. She is so big and grown-up.

Stress Free

It has been a truly wonderful week - I come home at a predictable, wonderful hour. I have work, but not so much that I can't get it done. I am living the dream :)

Easter Colors Mesh

Here is one I made for Mom's office - smaller frame and cheaper Wal-Mart mesh for the pink and yellow (the green is more metallic from Hobby Lobby). Ribbon is from Costco :)

Job News!

After giving notice in December, then not finding anything to go to, having a new manager ask me to stay...I have finally given my 2 weeks notice for real. I got a call back from a job I had interviewed for in December that I actually didn't get. Whomever they hired did not work out and I was next on their list to call. I can't believe it - six long years at the bank, and it is over. I am relieved, happy, excited. I am scared to move onto something new. Especially because the last person to try this job didn't cut it. But failure is not an option. I will make sure I do a fabu job and that this works out. Because for the first time since Shelby was a year old, I will be in a place that I have every Saturday off. I will be starting the day early and finishing the day early. No sales target to hit, not conference calls with public reamings, no more firing people left and right. A family company, with people who have worked there for 15 years and up - everyone is invested in making sure that the boat floats. Two weeks from today, a new beginning.

Peacock colors Deco Mesh Wreath