How to Listen

Discussion without debate. Listening without empathizing.
It is that simple. When I talk, I am not looking for feedback--unless I ask for it!


I hear so many conversations where people are responding to the speaker by telling a story that dovetails, or by relaying a similar experience. We think that is conveying our intent to let the speaker know that we heard them and that we care about their experience.


But, to the speaker--or maybe just to me, it sounds like you weren't really listening. You were waiting for your chance to be heard. You were telling a story of how you had the same experience, and that diminishes mine. I don't feel comforted; I feel challenged. I feel like my story is not worth listening to, because clearly, you have a better one. If I hurt, you have hurt more.